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Top 450 Bill Maher Quotes (2025 Update)
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Bill Maher Quote: “In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn’t be sanctioned by the government, because in their countries, everything is sanctioned by the government.”
Bill Maher Quote: “You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The electricity is back on in Baghdad. That is a very climactic moment in any country’s liberation, when the lights come back on and you get a good look at what you looted.”
Bill Maher Quote: “I’m okay with it now that Obama’s in office. I’m kind of trusting of him. But President Ted Cruz? Where this is going would bother me.”
Bill Maher Quote: “What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The country has become much more conservative, partly because it’s been taken over by the religious right.”
Bill Maher Quote: “I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Nobody sees people as people. It’s all how they relate to my little group.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Nobody in America who wants pot has any trouble getting it, so maybe that’s why we aren’t seeing support for legalization. People don’t think it’s necessary to legalize it, because it’s so easy to get it.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pig the way I want to.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Doubt is the only appropriate response for human beings.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don’t need birth control, you are birth control.”
Bill Maher Quote: “That’s what American democracy has come down to at these town hall meetings: old people and gun nuts, which is a terrible combination. I heard somebody yell ‘AK-47!’ and a lady yelled, ‘Bingo!’”
Bill Maher Quote: “That’s ended, that’s over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I’m a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.”
Bill Maher Quote: “President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn’t a Nazi, he wouldn’t have any credibility with conservatives at all.”
Bill Maher Quote: “I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Religion is defined as belief in and worship of a controlling power and atheism is precisely not that.”
Bill Maher Quote: “You talk about ‘Obama is going to herd us into FEMA brainwashing camps.’ Maybe your brain needs a little washing.”
Bill Maher Quote: “It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.”
Bill Maher Quote: “I have such disdain for anybody who gets joy out of blowing the stuffing out of a little woodland creature, that I don’t really care if any of them gets shot.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, ‘Please, I used to pull the same trick. There’d be an intervention, I’d make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.’”
Bill Maher Quote: “Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, ‘What’s a plan?’”
Bill Maher Quote: “The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?”
Bill Maher Quote: “African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They said a hoodie is too scary for Congress. Too scary? Have you ever looked into Michele Bachmann’s eyes?”
Bill Maher Quote: “The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It’s like a septic tank saying, ‘You need a mint.’”
Bill Maher Quote: “I think Mitt Romney is a symptom. I think the problem is the Republican Party.”
Bill Maher Quote: “In America, if a Democrat even thinks you’re calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.”
Bill Maher Quote: “And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it’s us against the world.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Eell there always is a tendency in human nature to deify.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that’s what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.”
Bill Maher Quote: “To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you’re a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven – that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Bush the younger has two things going for him that his father never had. One: an easy charm with regular people and two: the power to make them disappear without a trial.”
Bill Maher Quote: “If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’”
Bill Maher Quote: “You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.”
Bill Maher Quote: “BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The Eleventh Commandment: don’t speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn’t it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?”
Bill Maher Quote: “For the first time since 1979, we are talking to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Obama says talking to him is probably pointless, but it’s a hell of a relief from Mitch McConnell.”
Bill Maher Quote: “More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.”
Bill Maher Quote: “The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they’re so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid.”
Bill Maher Quote: “I like groaning. That means that you’re not pandering to their already settled prejudices.”
Bill Maher Quote: “When I was 5-years-old, I knew who Khrushchev was.”
Bill Maher Quote: “This is my question for conservatives: don’t you want to live, too?”
Bill Maher Quote: “I never thought I’d say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.”
Bill Maher Quote: “Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!”
Bill Maher Quote: “Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.”
Bill Maher Quote: “When we make mistakes they call it evil.”
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